all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
