Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
