Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
