I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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