You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Even my vagina gasped.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
