dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
