The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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