so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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