So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
not ubering you a puppy
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
