You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he puts the penis in happiness.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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