ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
