I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
