woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
