This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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