As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
