he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
