it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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