he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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