my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found puke in my bra..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And then the night went full on bisexual.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
