Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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