So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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