so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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