her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
