p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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