I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
