so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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