Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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