fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
