He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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