Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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