just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
