I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
