guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
