I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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