I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
