pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
