Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
