Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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