So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
