My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
