dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
