Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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