went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
