Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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