Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
