I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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