I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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