i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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