Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
