Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
