I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
