I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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