good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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