Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
