I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
