if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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