I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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