your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
