I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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