Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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