you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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