So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
