when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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