I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
