People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
