the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
