South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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