im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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