I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
