Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
