I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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