Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
