My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
