my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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