I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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