Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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