He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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