The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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