YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
